Post #3: The Gift of Therapy

Though anxiety is still something that I have to constantly keep myself in check with, I wouldn't have the ability to be where I am if it wasn't for therapy.

There's such a stigma surrounding therapy and counseling, and I hope that posting about it will help someone who is wondering if it's right for them to realize YES. It is right for you. Therapy is right for everyone. I mean that 100%.

The first time I saw a counselor happened while I was still in college, and it was my first bout with crippling anxiety. You know, the kind where I could barely eat, and almost every second of every day was filled with horrible worst-case-scenario thoughts and I felt like I was drowning. Luckily, I had a roommate who was getting her masters in counseling and she convinced me to give it a chance.

It wasn't easy. I kept it a secret from everyone but her, including my family. I didn't tell them for a couple years that I had seen a counselor. For some reason, seeing a counselor made me feel like other people would judge me and think I was actually insane, or think I was overreacting and should just try harder on my own.

The second time I saw a counselor, I took longer to get up the courage to do it. Hadn't I already done this years ago? Why couldn't what I learned about how to talk myself through my anxiety stick? Why was I struggling so much again that functioning daily was almost too much to bear? Why wasn't I able to have more faith and pray harder that I would feel better on my own? What would people think of me this time, knowing this is my second round?

There seems to be a lot of shame surrounding the idea of seeing a therapist, especially if you are still a functioning member of society. We tend to think therapy is for those who are on the brink (or already experienced) a mental breakdown. And though that is grounds to see someone, if you feel stuck, therapy is an option I don't think you will regret trying.

Therapy is hard work. It only works if you do. Sounds easy, but it's not. It's weird, because it's actually reliving to spill all your thoughts to a third party who is not associated with you in your daily life. It can seem scary and weird to talk to someone you don't know about really personal thoughts, perhaps ones you have never had the courage to voice out loud. You might think your therapist will look at you with a skeptical expression and tell you "You're wasting my time. Your problems are stupid. Don't come back."

I've had all of those thoughts. I was sure even this second time around I would be told what was bothering me so much in my life wouldn't be a valid reason for therapy. But if your therapist does what any therapist should do, they help you feel safe and help you know you can feel better. I promise you, your problems matter. And if your problems are holding you back, talk to someone about it.

It's so, so tiring having thoughts banging around in your head. Thoughts that weigh too much for you to bear. Thoughts you are terrified of speaking out loud because you swear you'll sound crazy, or lazy, or selfish, etc. Thoughts can seem too powerful to overcome. The catch is they lose their weight and credibility when they are spoken out loud. Therapy is a safe place to do that.

I knew I was to the point of needing to see a counselor again when I realized the powerful, anxious thoughts were keeping me from praying to Heavenly Father. I was terrified of what His answers would be to the issues bothering me. Ridiculous, right?  Somewhere along the way I had forgotten how to trust Him, and myself.

Choosing to go to therapy again was one of the best decisions I made concerning my mental health. It was hard. Therapy isn't easy. Yes, it's wonderful to be able to voice your thoughts and concerns out loud, but you have to be willing to be completely vulnerable. You have to be able to admit things about yourself you might not want to. But I promise you, therapy is a place that is free of judgment. Therapists don't give you the answers, they help you find the answers within yourself. It's emotionally draining, but sometimes you have to be completely drained before you can begin to fill up with strength and a sense of your true self again.

Therapy does not mean you've given up, or are weak. It's the opposite. The Atonement is always enough, but the Atonement works in many different ways. Therapy is one of the ways you can open up your heart to let the Savior heal you again. And you can be healed. We will always be able to be healed again.

And again.

And again.

So if you are on the fence, wondering if seeing a counselor is something you should look into but you are too afraid or ashamed, don't be. Pray about it, and message me and I'll stand by you. :)

Therapy has helped me realize that even when I am on the rock bottom of feeling down, I am still standing on a solid foundation of Christ. Descending down into the depths of emotional trauma and trials can be excruciating and exhausting. But we don't have to do it alone. The Savior is always, always there. He is at the bottom with us, and He is helping us as we crawl back up. We are never completely alone or without answers.

Please remember that.