Post Partum

This past month has had me experience a plethora of emotions. From pure joy to mom guilt to feeling overwhelmed to loving the moment to. . . you get the idea.

Lauren has changed my life in so, so many ways. To say I've learned a lot in these past 4 weeks is an understatement. And everyone was right: You are never EVER ready for a baby.

My time at the hospital was kind of a blur. Mainly because I was still recovering from the birth. Her birth went really well and luckily physically it didn't take me too long to feel better. I had her stay in the nursery at night so that I could try and get some sleep, but the only comfortable position for me was to lay on my back and I have never been able to sleep very good in that position. Paul slept just fine on the couch though because his snoring would also wake me up. The first night he kept the couch where it was so I had to yell his name to get him to wake up and stop snoring. Ha ha that was a rude awakening to him multiple times. But I was a moody crazy person so I didn't care much. The second night he got smart and moved it next to my bed so I could reach him and just shake him awake and tell him to stop like I normally do at home. Ha ha. 

But those first two weeks were ROUGH. My sister in law described it as feeling like you are in the trenches and I think that pretty much sums it up. 

Combining not being able to move around very easily with major lack of sleep and having my body adjust to all the hormones leaving (which brought on major body temperature changes. One minute I would be boiling hot and then the next I would be shaking from being so cold. And I didn't really have an appetite. That lasted off and on for about 5 days post-partum). I walked around like an old lady for the first 2 weeks because well, that was about all I could do. 

I struggled with nursing the first few days. At first I felt like I would never get it down without having 5 extra arms and wondered how in the HECK people made it look so easy. Lauren wasn't very good at latching so it really took a toll on me emotionally when I would try and try and try and TRY and it wouldn't work and she would be screaming and I would start crying thinking I'm this horrible mother who can't even feed her baby and that she'll starve and it will all be my fault. Yes, those were actual thoughts in my head.

That leads me onto the mom guilt stuff: It was really hard at first to hear her cry. Because she doesn't have a small cry. It is SHRILL and LOUD and would happen every time we changed her diaper. Every time. And newborns are constantly pooping and peeing in my opinion so that was a lot of fun. NOT. Oh, and she hated bath time with a vengeance. Thankfully both have gotten better. (She still has her moments but I know she's just a drama queen and I'm used to the cry now so it doesn't bother me.) Every time she would cry that hard I would panic and wonder if there were a billion different physical things wrong with her or if I was doing something wrong, etc.

Like I said, nothing prepared me for all this emotional stuff I would feel. I know it was all magnified by the lack of sleep, making it a horrible combination. I definitely had my share of good cries within those first two weeks and LOTS of heartfelt prayers to Heavenly Father asking for help because there was no way I could do any of this on my own. No way. 

Yet between all the really really REALLY hard times, there were plenty of wonderful moments. There is that unexplainable love I have for her. I look at her and marvel that she is real and that I am her mother and it brings me so much joy I don't even know how to describe it. I do feel so blessed that I get to be with her all day and get to know her so well. She's already my little buddy and I love it. 

Paul gave me a couple really good heartfelt blessings. One thing he said during one was that Heavenly Father did not send her down to us to watch us fail as parents. That was exactly what I needed to hear and I know it's true. I can do this whole parenthood thing. Even though I have no clue WHAT I am doing, somehow I'm doing it and I know that was how Heavenly Father planned it to be. He knew I wouldn't know what to do and that I would need his help. It's been such a blessing and testimony builder to know that he is always there ready to help.

And Paul. He has been such a rock for me to rely on this whole time. He will take her when she fusses and is even willing to get up with her in the night if it's between feedings and she won't sleep so that I can get some shut eye, even though he has to work. He has supported me emotionally and I love him all the more for it. He already is an amazing dad.

It HAS gotten better. I will say that. Sure there are still plenty of times that I just think "I wish you could just TELL me why you are crying. It would make this so much easier." But I am figuring out what works to calm her down, and we've established a pretty good schedule too. During the day she eats about every 4 hours (on the dot, mind you), and in the evenings we are doing our best to keep her awake so that she'll sleep for longer stretches at night. It's been working pretty good even though she doesn't like having to stay awake at that time. I'll take a few hours of fussing in the evening to her being awake all night any day though. Getting a good 3 1/2 to 4 hour stretch of sleep at night has done wonders for me. I never thought I would say that. And she's getting so much cuter and is SO CLOSE to smiling I can't wait until it actually happens. I kiss her cheeks a lot and I can tell she likes it because her eyes get all big and she opens her mouth and turns it towards mine where I'm kissing her so I know if she could smile and laugh she totally would be doing it. Sometimes I think it excites her too much and she poops herself. Ha ha it's funny. It's also funny when she wakes up for a few minutes just to poop. I can always tell because I can hear it from across the room. It's hilarious. Who knew a little body had so much power. 

Now onto some pictures from the past few weeks:

Visits from her cousins. They were so cute with her.

This is her at 2 weeks. Love this face.

2 and a half weeks. Like I said, Paul is so awesome. He never gets tired of her either. I love them.

I tried to capture the milk drunk look she gets. It is SO CUTE. She does this little squeal and just zonks out on my shoulder with milk dribbling down her face. I can't get enough of it.

This is at three weeks. I finally busted out some headbands and of course think she is so freaking cute.

Mom was a life saver that first week. This is Lauren's namesake (Her middle name, Amy). It was so nice to have her around as emotional support as well as cleaning and organizing my house! She came by again this past weekend for a quick visit on her way out of town.

And then for the past few days my older sister Tonya was here to visit! It was so nice having her around too. We went out to Target and Downeast and just talked and talked. It was so nice to have another adult around during the day to talk to! She also helped out a TON and made us dinner and cleaned my floors and kitchen. It was awesome. Come again soon Aunt Candy! Ha ha.

I know I should put up a one month stat thing, but this post is already long enough. I'll do that when I get around to posting again. . . which who knows when that will be! Ha ha.

Miss Mabel Shout Out

This is an extra special post for an extra special person in my life. 

I've known Katie Cross since we were wee little ladies growing up together in Idaho Falls. It would take multiple other posts to fill you in on all our adventures together, so that will have to wait for another day. In the meantime, I am bursting with excitement to help spread the word about her BOOK that she had come out today.

It also happens to be her birthday. Best birthday ever, right? 

Katie has always been a book snob, and for years and years has loved to write. She would send me stories she was working on and we would come up with plot ideas over dinner when we were roomies. When she told me that this Miss Mabel's book was something special and was going places, I knew it would be good.

I wish I could give my full book review on here, but I have yet to finish the book. NOT because I'm bored with it, quite the contrary. Mainly because I have a little nugget to take care of all the time (it's her one month birthday today, by the way! Sniff sniff!), and I had company visiting this past week, so I am only about a third of the way through the book. Two thirds behind where I wanted to be. But life is life, as we all know.

Here is my honest opinion of it so far:

I am intrigued. The plot is unfolding as you read, which keeps you interested. I'm getting the vibe that main character Bianca has a lot more secrets and backstory than I know at this point, and I am excited to find out what it all is (I WILL find out, right Katie??? If not we will have a chat). The characters are believable, the destinations are painted vividly in my mind , and the dialogue is catchy and humorous, and dark and secretive all at the same time. 

It's a book worth reading. If you are into young adult fantasy, by all means you should have a copy right now and get going on it.

If you aren't into that genre very much (like me, because let's be honest: all I like in that genre is Harry Potter. I KNOW I'm narrow minded but whatever), you should still read this book. This book gives hope to picky readers like me that YA fantasy isn't all just like Twilight. This book is refreshing so far, and like I said, I'm only a third of the way through. 

So go find out more about it  on facebook here, the pinterest version here and the official site here.

Then go buy the Kindle version here, or paperback version here.

And give Katie a virtual high five for fulfilling her dreams. From the chats we've had since Miss Mabel's seemed to develop there have been blood, sweat and tears brought into this by this amazing girl. Writing a book may seem easy, but writing a good book takes a lot of work. I am so proud of my best friend!

Here's the Story

I never thought I would actually want to post about my child's birth story on my blog, but then I actually had a child. . . and changed my mind. Ha. I just don't like hearing all the gory details so I'll try to keep them to a minimum. 

Anyways, last Wednesday the 26th I had my usual doctor appointment. I wasn't expecting to have made any progress because I still hadn't felt any contractions or anything. . I was figuring I was doomed to be more like my mother. . .going way past my due date and possibly having to be induced. 

Luckily my doctor said I DID make some progress and I was actually at a 2 and said he wouldn't be surprised if I had the baby within the next week. I was still not trying to get my hopes up though.

But that night around 8 or so I actually started having contractions. I always wondered what that would feel like. . if I would know if it was a "real" contraction or one of those Braxton Hix type things. Everyone always says that "you'll know" when you are having a real contraction and boy were they right. It was cramps times like 1,000. And they kept coming. I tried going to bed but as the night wore on they got closer and closer together. . starting out at about 8 minutes apart, and then around 5 in the morning they were about 4 minutes apart. By the way, Paul slept through all of this. . I was up not sleeping, once in a while debating whether I should wake him or not but I knew he would probably just get all excited and want to go to the hospital right away and I didn't want to go and just get turned away because I wasn't dilated enough or something (that was also a big fear of mine, having to go through endless hours of pre-term labor. I'm a pansy.)

Sooo by the time Paul woke up around 6:15 am I was pretty much done. I told him there was a good chance we will need to go to the hospital because my contractions were getting really close together. He of course got up right away, started running around with me telling him what last minute stuff I needed and then we headed out. We get there and I ask him for my wallet. . . .and he tells me he forgot it. Awesome. I can't really check into the hospital without my ID and insurance so. . . we turned around and went back to get it. Luckily the hospital is only 5 minutes away, so it didn't add on that much extra time. We got there around 7:30 that morning the 27th.

I was also lucky that my doctor was already there doing rounds with other patients of his, so he was able to come and check me to see if anything had progressed. Turns out it wasn't all in my head and I had gotten to a 5 and he said I could be admitted! I was so relieved that the pain wasn't all in my head and that I would actually be able to stay and have a baby! I was impressed that I made it halfway on my own, but by that point I was ready to get my epidural. Like I said, I am a pansy. I wanted to actually be able to somewhat enjoy the experience.

After I got the epidural things were going great! I was a little nervous to get it just because, oh you know, they are injecting something right around my SPINE and you never know. But it only stung a little when they numbed the area and then I became one happy camper as it kicked in. I was glad that I wasn't so numb that I couldn't feel anything, I was still able to feel some pressure when I would have a contraction.

Then it was just a lot of waiting. . .I was exhausted from being up all night so I just tried to sleep. . it kind of worked, I was able to relax more. I was really thirsty the whole time and kept demanding ice chips from Paul. It gave him something to do. Ha. 

I made it to a 10 all on my own but she was still not moving down like she needed to, so they started me on some pitocin around 2:30 to see if that would help. It definitely made me feel more pressure with each contraction, which was good. Finally, around 4:00 I was ready to get going! My doctor, Dr. Seale got called to come in. We also had to have people from the NICU present because when my water got broken earlier that day they suspected she might have pooped in the amniotic sac and were worried that she might breathe it in. So when it was go time there were quite a few people in our room. I didn't have to push very long and by 4:32 p.m. she was out in the world! Lauren Amy Siddoway decided to make her appearance. Dr. Seale tried to suction all the stuff out of her before she could take a breath but he only got about halfway done before she let out her shrill cry.  She turned out ok so that was nice to not have to worry about her. It was such a surreal experience. . . .I really don't know how else to describe it.

And now onto some photos. I debated whether to put up the ones of me because well, I was up all night and then was in labor all day. BUT that was how things were and I really don't care, now that I think about it. I had zero energy to put into looking good. I was giving birth, for crying out loud. 

Here she is right after she came out. She turned her head sideways at the last minute coming out so her cone head was more on the side of her head. All the nurses affectionately called her "Gumby". Ha ha it was funny, and true. 

Getting weighed. She still makes that sour face when she's upset. 

Dad holding her tiny feet.

One proud Papa.

Dr. Seale (who is an awesome doctor, by the way. We really enjoyed him. And he plays the banjo and bass guitar so Paul likes him too.) Paul's face in the picture kills me. So cheesy.

My nurses were so awesome and took all these pictures. I think this one is hilarious because of Lauren's face! She doesn't seem to know if she likes it or not.

Yes, I look awesome. I know. My hair is all nasty because for the last hour or so I was BOILING hot. They took my temperature and I was at 104! They didn't seem worried about it though. They put cold rags on my forehead and that was heaven, along with me gulping down ice chips. After all of this stuff though my body just kept shaking. Not hyperventilating shaking, but the kind where you just had a ton of adrenaline and now your body is recovering from it. . .hopefully that makes sense.

The ONLY reason I put a kissing picture on here of us is because of her face. Ha it kills me! She already doesn't like seeing Mom and Dad give each other affection.

My awesome labor and delivery nurses, Shea and Laurel. They were the best cheerleaders and really funny. We had fun joking with them during the day.

 Dad changing the diaper. She really hates getting her diaper changed now so we have gotten really good at being really speedy at it so that she doesn't have time to really get all up in a tizzy.

We had called our parents when we found out I was going to be admitted. My Mom came down that afternoon and got here right before I was ready to push her out. She stayed with us for the first week and was a LIFE SAVER. Seriously. She helped out so much I can't even begin to thank her enough.

I snapped this picture the first night. So cute.

A few hours old.

We made it home no problem. This is us giving her  her first bath at home. She might look like she's somewhat enjoying it, but she's not. She still screams bloody murder every time we give her one. Counting down the days until she actually enjoys them. . . .

After being home a couple days. One of the few times she was wide awake. 

There are so many more things I could write about that have been going on this past week. I can't believe she was only born a little over a week ago, because sometimes (especially at like 2:00 in the morning) it seems like she's been with us for way longer. Other times I can't believe it has already been that long and that she is already growing so much. I know I'll blink and before I know it she'll be a bigger baby and that is already bittersweet.

Next post (when I find time to write it. . this one took me a good two days to get around to finishing!) will be about post-partum stuff and adjusting to all of this. I plan on laying it all out.