In Memoriam

I don't know if I will actually be able to put into words the emotions I have been feeling this past week, but I want to try. 

Emma became a good friend of mine our senior year of high school. I have memories of playing card games and watching movies in her basement multiple times. I have memories of having good heart to heart talks in her car late into the night. Mostly about boys, but also about life. I loved those talks because afterwards I always felt better. Emma had a way of making people feel better. 

As I have been reflecting on all the memories I do have of her, I do not have a single bad one. I don't recall her ever saying mean things about anyone. Ever. She was not that kind of person. Perhaps that's another reason why I loved being her friend- she was someone I looked up to and wanted to be like. 

To try and put into words the grief and heartache I felt when I was told of her passing is not possible. All I felt was numb shock. Not Emma, who was  pregnant with her second child. Not Emma, who still kept in touch with me via our own personal blogs and other forms of social media because she lived across the country. Not Emma, who was one of the most Christ-like people I have ever known. Why her? Why right now? 

That was my reaction. 

I cannot even begin to imagine the grief and pain her husband and family members are experiencing right now. All I know is my own grief. It has been hard to accept that she really is no longer on this earth. 

But what is so amazing about having the knowledge of the gospel in my life is while I am still grieving, I have peace. I know that Emma is already doing marvelous work on the other side. Heavenly Father needed her to come back. Just as she served so many people here during her life, she is now serving so many more beyond the veil. I don't doubt that for a second.

Her funeral was a beautiful service. I am so glad I was able to attend and honor the life she did live here on earth. And I am so glad that she was part of my life. She always will be. 

I know this is not goodbye. 

How grateful I am for the Atonement at a time like this. Jesus Christ knows the pain of grieving for someone who has died. He grieved for his friend Lazarus, even though he had the power to raise him from the dead. Jesus Christ has felt that pain. And because he has, he is the one we can turn to because he DOES understand. And he CAN make us stronger. He wants to make us stronger.

I have a testimony of that. 

I love you Emma. I am looking forward to the day that I can see you again.