What We Don't See

This Mormon Messages clip has been circling (guys, I just had to retype the word "circling" like 5 times until it was spelled right. That's the level my brain is functioning at right now. Gives you an idea of what I'm about to blog about) around my social media lately and I know I am not the only one who has cried tears of joy/understanding/giving THANKS to whoever was inspired to make it.
Because all of us have days, weeks, months, and years like this.

And no one sees it.

At least, there are plenty of times where I don't feel like anyone notices. It's more like, what's there to notice about my day today? A lot of times I look back and feel like I did nothing to show for it. Even though I did laundry, swept up for the hundredth time sticky baby food off the floor, wiped down my bathroom, made our bed, went grocery shopping, paid some bills, filled up the car with gas, etc. Now, don't go thinking I do all those things every day, all day. It's just stuff that I feel like I do all the time, but it's more like there's just that one more little thing to do that no one cares about, yet still feels like it needs to be done.

And that's not even tying in all the "motherly" duties that have now become just as much. Constantly changing diapers, spoon feeding food only to get it spit back out at me when she's totally over it, bouncing in my arms while looking out the window, or at anything that will distract her from crying, putting down for naps, getting up from naps, giving baths, making bottles, reading stories, picking up toys and giving them to her to be played with for 2 seconds then get dropped again, etc, etc, etc.

And no one sees it. And yet this is my day, every day. And that's how it will be for the next X amount of years.


Satan is the one who wants us to feel like nothing we do matters. He wants us to become discouraged and throw our hands up and say "WHY am I really doing this? ANY of this? Who is even benefiting from it? All I feel is tired, and burdened and don't see any end in sight."  And I will admit that there have been plenty of times when I have felt that exact way. It seems more so lately. I feel like I am the biggest critic of my mothering skills, which I know is really ridiculous because NO ONE SEES. But for some reason I feel like I fail all. the. time. Especially because no one is here every day to cheer me on and pat me on the back and say "Hey, your child is still alive and thriving, good for you!" Or "Look at you trying this technique out on her even though it didn't do anything, way to give it a try!"

I always forget that there ARE others who see what I do every day, all day. And who I should remember really are cheering me on, even though I can't see it. But I bet if I took a minute or so each day, I could feel it. And feel better.

Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are always right there with me, and with you, in whatever your day to day life is. Whether you are at work all day and don't get a second glance at the work you produced, or you are at home with kids and at your wits end from being so tired and up to your neck in things you need to get done, we are not alone.

This video reminded me of that. And the small and simple things we do each day, that we don't even give a second thought about, most likely are benefiting someone. We just don't see it.

But Heavenly Father does, and He loves us. He thanks us every day for being moms and doing our best to raise good kids, even when it feels like we are getting no where. He thanks us for doing our best at our jobs and other commitments because He knows we are trying. And that is what matters.

Half a year

I know I've been bad about keeping up this blog. . . but in all honesty, I don't know what else to put up on here besides stuff about my child. Since I now don't work, and have a kid that likes to go to bed at 7, my life isn't really that exciting anymore. It's a good life, but to me it just doesn't seem like I do enough stuff to brag about on blogger (because let's be honest, that's what most blogs are about. All the cool stuff you do).

So, I might update more sometimes, or I might not. Guess we'll see what is in store for us.  . . . which right now isn't much!

Anyways, here's stuff about Lauren. Because really that's all people want to know about anyways.

Babies change so much so fast. It's like overnight she's decided to do something totally different! She's pretty good about sitting up on her own, but I like to bring some pillows along just to help out when we're at the store. So far she's been really good about it. . she's constantly turning her head looking at everything around her. It's a whole new world for her. 

 I'm really loving the stage she is in right now. She's so smiley and laughs a lot, is easily entertained (and sometimes I catch her playing in her crib by herself and it is so cute), and is SLEEPING from like 7 p.m.- 7:30 a.m. most nights without waking up at all. IT IS GLORIOUS. And she's getting pretty good at taking an hour and a half nap in the morning, and a good one and a half to two hours in the afternoon, and sometimes another short one around 4:30 ish depending on when she woke up last. But that last nap is probably going to get cut out soon because it's very hit and miss. 

This was one of the last times she actually let me put her in the bumbo. Even then she was fussing so I just tossed her bib onto her and it seriously landed like that! It caught her by surprise and she stopped crying long enough for me to snap a picture. But really, she decided over night she hates that thing and would always arch her back and cry when I would try to put her in it. So we just use the high chair now. (I bought a travel high chair that looks like a camp chair and can fold up really easily. It's awesome.)

I don't remember why I took this picture, probably I thought it was cute how intent she was on playing with those toys in front of her.

 This lady loooooves the water. Really really loves it. Luckily Grandma and Grandpa Siddoway have a pool in their backyard in Kayesville so we have put it to good use! She right now is going through a "fun" stage of hating it when I have to pull her arms through her clothes, so she was screaming bloody murder while I put on her swimsuit but once she was actually in the water, she became a happy baby once again. She's figuring out that she can kick her legs and splash and it's really cute. And Paul and I are really really white.

 Sitting up like it's no problem at all. . . . and check out that cowlick in the back of her head! It's a perfect little swirl. It will be interesting to see how her hair grows in with that there.

Paul likes to play the game of putting things on her head and waiting until she notices that.

Snapped this while she was napping one day. Aren't sleeping babies just the cutest? And check out those cheeks.

She looks like a thug in the picture to me. Grocery shopping really wears both of us out. 

Things Lauren likes:

-looking out the window at cars

-sitting on dad's shoulders and grabbing his hair

-people clapping or snapping their fingers

-music, especially songs like "Twinkle Twinkle" and "Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam" and "Popcorn Popping", and Dad's guitar music

-anything she can easily grab and put into her mouth

-FOOD! Most solids we've tried with her she's a big fan of: sweet potatoes, peas, carrots, squash, applesauce, pears, etc. Doesn't like bananas at all though.

-blowing raspberries. She is a blowing raspberry machine! It's real fun when she decides to do it while eating. NOT.

-watching you stick your tongue out at her. For some reason this fascinates her and she will just stare and stare at you while you do it over and over and over and over and over again. 

Things Lauren dislikes:

-sitting up when she's tired. 

-getting her arms pulled through her clothes

-not having something to play with while you change her diaper

-having to wait 2 minutes to have her bottle while you prepare it. You have to do it fast if she's in your arms or else she'll scream and grab at it until it is in her mouth.

-not being able to drink out of our cups at mealtimes. I give it to her when I'm done, otherwise I would have to deal with her fussing and reaching for it. She already knows to put it up to her mouth. Hopefully when it comes time to change to a sippy cup it won't be that hard?

Anyways, that's about it for now. She really is so so so much more fun now. When people ask me if I like being a mom, I try and be honest and say "I do now!" And sometimes I  get weird looks and then I explain that the first 4 months of her life were NOT fun at all and I seriously questioned my sanity multiple times a day. There are still hard times and I know more will come, but at least I am seeing some personality with her now and that makes such a difference! So those of you going through the trenches with the newborn stuff right now, it WILL get better! I promise! 

Fab 5

You know, I feel a little sheepish admitting this, but I used to be one of those people who rolled their eyes whenever I heard women say things about motherhood like "Being a mom is hard, but sooooo worth it." I would just get sick of hearing it because I obviously had no idea what they were talking about. Well, now I do. And YES, I agree a billion times with that statement now. 

But in a way I always wished that moms would get a little bit more specific about what exactly was so hard, and yet what still made it worth it. I obviously have very little experience in the motherhood area, but I do understand somewhat now. I understand what is hard for me. And I will tell you a little bit about what is hard. 

It's hard to have no clue how your day is going to go. And it's hard to be home most of the time, doing your best to keep this little human on a "schedule" and pray that they will nap in the car on your way to your destination so that you won't have to deal with them screaming while you are out in public. And then it's hard when it doesn't go how you planned at all and you just have to figure out how to deal with it in the moment. It's hard having a child who decides they don't like other people besides you and your husband and scream bloody murder when anyone else holds them, because then you don't really get a break. It's hard doing the same thing day after day after day and right when you think you've got them figured out, they grow and CHANGE and you are back at square one. It's hard going on trips because you have to pack way more stuff like diapers and wipes and oh should I bring the bouncer so she has somewhere to lay besides in my arms? What about our baby monitor so that we can hear her? Will there be a plug in the room she's sleeping so we can plug in the sound machine? What time should we leave so that we can drive while she'll nap and not have to stop and feed her somewhere? Do we have extra clothes in case she has a blow out in the car? Then it's hard going on a vacay because you JUST got your child on a decent schedule and now you are out of town doing abnormal stuff and that schedule is flying out the window and you are helping your kid take naps when there's a window of time and it's probably just going to be in your lap and you're just going to have to sit in the same spot and "visit" instead of doing stuff because if your child doesn't nap then this super lame thing called "overtiredness" occurs and your baby becomes TOO tired to sleep and just cries and then you just want to cry because it's all just SO HARD and you realize you are just flying on the seat of your pants doing this whole parent thing and are thinking if only there was a specific instruction manual for your child out there somewhere so that you could actually feel like a champ parent for more than 5 minutes, then maybe the stress would ease a little bit. *deep breath*

So yes, I'm starting to get why it's so hard. 

And thankfully, I am also getting that second part. The whole "it's so worth it" part too. That part is harder to put into words. I just look at this tiny human and there's this love you can't describe and even though it is hard and sometimes you feel like you are beyond the breaking point and have no clue what else to do, you will keep trying. You will not give up on this tiny human because of this love. And you start to get this little glimpse of the whole point of being here and why the family is central to the great plan of happiness because for some reason raising children still brings joy a midst all the hard stuff. Like, when you lay next to your child playing on the floor and she rolls to her side to face you and puts her hands on your face and gives you the biggest toothless smile anyone has ever seen and you know you are her favorite person in the world. Or when you realize she is the only person you will do absolutely ANYTHING for to get a laugh out of her, like to the point of pretending to cough/throw up because she finds that stuff hilarious. And when you go in to check on her before you go to bed and she is actually sleeping and looks like she is sleeping soundly and is all sprawled out her in crib and you can tell she's content and your heart just about bursts of love for her. That's the kind of stuff that makes it worth it. 

Ok, motherhood rant OVER for right now. Now I have to catch up on this past month. 

Little Lauren Amy is now 5 months. No longer a newborn, just a full blown baby. Grabbing at stuff and shoving it in her mouth (this includes my hair. She has a vicelike grip!) eatin' her solids like a champ. The girl loves food. I haven't really ventured much outside the oatmeal and rice cereal stuff yet. She's only tried bananas and pears so far and isn't too big a fan of the bananas, but likes the pears pretty well. We'll see what else she'll prefer.

Lauren's first trip out to the Siddoway cabin by Vernal was actually a good trip. I'm trying to remember to have super low expectation when traveling with a child so that if things actually go well, it's awesome! And if not. . well, then it's what I expected. Anyways, she had to sleep in the same room as us which I was NOT looking forward to, but she actually did pretty well. We had gotten to the point a couple weeks before this trip that we had to do the cry it out method with her because she was seriously waking up every 45 minutes night after night and I was so sick of feeling like a zombie that we just did it. And it worked like a charm! She still cries some nights, but it's never for very long and she sleeps SO MUCH BETTER. It was so SO worth it.

Anyways, the cabin trip was awesome. So relaxing. Like, I read-a-whole-book kind of relaxing. I love how quiet it is up there. And it's gorgeous. I'm glad Lauren will have that place to go visit each summer just like Paul did growing up.

 Speaking of Paul, I feel like she is looking more and more like him as she is getting older. She already has the brown eyes. And we compared pictures of him as a little kid and she is so similar.

 We also got this walker from my parents. Pretty sure it is at least 20 years old, but it has stood the test of time! She's not cruising around in it yet, but she does push herself backwards in it and enjoys it when she's not tired. I can tell she's done with it when she starts to fuss and just lean really far forward. It's kind of funny.

 This was what I found when I went in to check on her after a cry-it-out session happened during naptime one day. Looks so comfy. . . .

She might be a gymnast some day.

A few more things about her-

I've almost got her completely weaned off of me. After weighing all the pros and cons, it in the end came down to my sanity and I decided that formula was the way to go with her now. She doesn't fight the bottle, I don't have all this pressure on trying to figure out what I ate that she didn't like and overall it's just going better. 

She's rolling to her sides and is really close to rolling over, just hasn't quite done it yet. And she's scooting around a lot more when she's on her tummy towards things she wants to grab. She likes to laugh when we do dumb things. She's like me-loves to be entertained by weird stuff. She's already outgrown her 6-9 month clothes and is now in 9-12 month stuff. Her head is still giant and her poop is now a lot more gross to me that she is eating solids. Less blowouts, but nastier stuff. If she poops while Paul is home I always make him change her. Ha ha. Unfortunately that's not often. He needs his share if you ask me. 

And there you have it. Another month come and gone.